Real Love

November 4, 2002
The most remarkable aspect of this self-help book is the author's avowal that he's been there, too, while he stretches a rudimentary concept into a full-blown book. Baer's message is simple. People toiling away in lukewarm relationships are lacking "real love"—the ability to care unconditionally about the happiness of another person. "When we're unhappy, our misery is not the fault of our partner. Blaming that person is therefore foolish, wasteful and destructive, because no matter how much we demand or insist, he or she cannot make us happy." Ophthalmologist Baer (The Truth About Relationships) is not the first champion of the "you-get-out-of-it-what-you-put-into-it" school, and his suggestion that individuals are responsible for their own happiness is hardly novel. What distinguishes his map to the romantic holy grail from the others in its genre is Baer's admission of his own fallibility. He's been down and out, and there's something reassuring about his willingness to admit to failures as well as triumphs. As a result, the overall effect of this book is soothing, but readers shouldn't expect the truths found here to be anything new. (Jan.)FYI:This is one of two titles launching Bill Shinker's Gotham Books, an imprint of Penguin Putnam.